Twisted up tightly,
Unsure and out of my element
Unrecognizable.
It is disconcerting to discover that you hide to protect yourself. We sometimes find ourselves in situations where we just do not feel like a “fit”. It might be social situations, it could be work, hopefully it isn’t at home. The realization that the people around you have no interest in looking beyond their opinions, views or agendas. It doesn’t matter who you really are, or who you have grown to be, they will only see the person they have conjured up. Guilty of having judged others, I receive a good lesson when judged unfairly. I curl up into my shell and try to shut out the hurt. I want to reach out into the light and move along my life. Perhaps when the danger has passed, I will feel safe enough.
I see...I write...I am. 
The pain of rejection (or even just the fear of it!) is such a part of our social experience. I wish it were different, but that would be like hiding in my ‘shell’ to deny reality’s existence, wouldn’t it? It can be so hard at times to strike the right balance between taking risks and protecting ourselves. This is a nice exploration of a complex topic!
LikeLike
I’m so sorry that I haven’t replied before now. I’ve been hiding in my shell, is the only explanation I can offer. I think you are so very right about it being hard to strike that balance between protection and taking risks. I wish it was easier, but unfortunately it doesn’t.
LikeLike
That’s okay – you don’t really owe me anything, do you? I can relate to hiding very well. Sometimes life doesn’t lend itself very well to reaching out, even to internet strangers. It takes energy, doesn’t it? May you find the balance you seek! 🙂
LikeLike